They introduce the announcers for the following match: Booker T and…that’s right, Jim Ross! Michael Cole comes out dressed in amateur wrestling attire and says it’s nice to see Jim Ross has stayed in shape since he took his job. Cole says Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler have a lot in common: they’re both overweight, they’re both overrated, and they’re both over the hill. Cole says that Jerry Lawler’s been in the business as long as Cole has been alive, but this is Lawler’s first Wrestlemania match, but he wants all the Coleminers to know that this is his first Wrestlemania match as well. Once this match is over, Jim Ross is going to go back to making really bad barbecue sauce, Jerry Lawler’s going to go back to being overrated, and Austin’s going to raise his hand, and then everyone will proclaim Cole the new Mr Wrestlemania!
Next we get the introduction of Jack Swagger, who makes his usual entrance, but before he makes it to the ring, Steve Austin’s music hits and he comes out on the ATV and rushes Swagger, who dives out of the way. Austin goes all around the ring on the ATV, and Cole also dives out of the way and hides in his box. Austin rolls up and tells Cole to get in the ring, then gets in the ring and goes to all four corners to soak in the cheers as Cole loosens up in the box.
Jerry Lawler makes his entrance next, wearing the old school red cape with the buckle in front and carrying his crown. Cole is doing squats in the box and yells to Austin that he’s not ready yet. Austin rings the bell, and we’re off.
Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole
Lawler goes to the floor and Swagger immediately goes after him, but Lawler beats him up and rams him into the barricade. Lawler goes after Cole, and Cole stays in the box and begs for mercy. Cole extends his hand through the hole in the cubicle to try and forget the whole thing, and Lawler shakes his hand. Cole thanks Lawler profusely, but Lawler won’t let go and repeatedly pulls Cole’s face into the wall of the box. Lawler climbs over the top of the Colemine and proceeds to beat Cole senseless. Cole tries to climb out, but Lawler grabs him and punches him in the face, then takes Cole out of the box and starts to roll him into the ring, but changes his mind and rams him into the General Manager podium as Austin stands smiling in the ring. Finally Lawler rolls Cole into the ring, but Swagger takes the opportunity to grab Lawler and ram him into the post. Cole hits a baseball slide and goes to distract Austin while Swagger puts Lawler in the anklelock on the floor. Cole tells Austin to count Lawler out, and Austin starts counting reluctantly but Lawler gets in at 4. Cole goes to work on Lawler’s ankle by standing on it and then tying the leg around the bottom rope. Cole lays Lawler’s leg on the bottom rope and then takes a running punt at the ankle, then does it again. Cole drags Lawler to the corner and then goes across the ring to do a really bad version of the Swagger Bomb and then covers Lawler for 2. Lawler finally starts firing back on Cole but Cole drags Lawler out to the middle of the ring and starts slamming Lawler’s leg into the mat. Cole stops to soak in the boos of the fans before going back to ramming the leg into the mat. Cole pulls down the strap and hooks Lawler into the an-Cole-lock, but Lawler kicks Cole off and finally gets back to his feet. Lawler starts stomping a mudhole in Cole in the corner and Swagger throws the towel in, but Austin looks at Swagger incredulously, wipes his head off with the towel, and throws it at Swagger. Swagger gets in the ring and gets in Austin’s face, so Austin kicks him in the gut, hits the Stunner, and flips Swagger the double bird. Austin and Lawler stand over Cole as Cole begs Austin for mercy, then starts yelling at Austin and shoving him. Austin shoves Cole back and Cole spins around right into a right hand from Lawler. Lawler starts unloading on Cole with endless right hands, then lets him get to his feet so he can dropkick him in the face. Lawler stands over Cole before nodding at the fans, going to the second rope, pulling down the strap, and hitting the fistdrop. Lawler goes for the cover, but pulls him up at 2 and, with a smiling Austin looking on, hooks on the an-Cole-lock. Cole is furiously tapping out, but Austin gets down and goes “Cole, DO YOU QUIT?” as Cole goes nuts tapping with both hands. Austin looks to Lawler for approval, then rings the bell.
Winner: Jerry Lawler
Lawler’s music starts to play, then Austin’s music hits and Austin catches the beers for a beer bash. Booker T says he has to get in on this and gets in the ring to celebrate. The music stops as Booker gets in the ring, then Booker’s music hits as he does the Spinarooni. Austin smiles a big smile and tosses beer to Booker, then kicks him in the gut and hits the Stunner. Austin’s music hits again, and it’s back to the beer bash…until the General Manager sends an email. Josh Matthews goes up to the podium, opens the laptop, and says that the referee has overstepped his authority by getting physically involved in the match. Therefore, Jerry Lawler has been disqualified and the winner is Michael Cole!
New Winner: Michael Cole by disqualification
Lawler goes over to the podium to ask what’s going on, and Matthews says he’s just reading the email. Crowd chants bulls*** as Austin throws his beer in anger. Lawler drags Josh off the podium and throws him into the ring where Austin gives Matthews a Stunner. Austin takes his beer out to the ATV and rides to the back as Lawler returns to his position at the announce table.